I'm Baaaaaack!

I know, I know... it's been a hot minute since I've taken time to blog. But, I really do have an excuse. I mean, I suppose I could have kept up with everything. But, I just found myself in a place that I needed some time to reevaluate what I wanted to continue to be a part of my life, and what I needed to cut out. I allowed so much activity to take me over, that I began to feel overwhelmed. Then, when I ended up flat on my back with my injury... well, it seemed just as good of a time as any to take a forced sabbatical. 

If you follow me on my Sea-Gypsy's Vardo page, you'll remember that I was gone for nearly a month. During that time, I did a whole lot of soul searching. I even weighed the value that my SG page, my blog, (all of my social media, actually), had in my life. And, I will confess, that I even considered laying it all down. But, I just couldn't do it. 

I think it had to do with the fact that I have spent nearly four years building that page, organically. And, to have nearly 43,000 followers does say something. But, for all of the followers, the kind words, people being inspired to try something new, the sharing of other small business artisans, etc., I was left feeling a little empty. Maybe, I was just tired. Maybe, I was feeling sorry for myself. Maybe, I was just burned out.

What people don't know (unless you happen to be like me and invest your time and energy into social media platforms) is that it takes an enormous amount of energy to do what I do. I spend hours, every day, searching for pictures that inspire, scheduling those pictures to post, responding to comments, and emailing back and forth with small business artisans to develop a relationship in order to promote them via artisan interviews and giveaways. Then, there are the giveaways, my blog, my Instagram, and the attempt to brand myself, in order to promote my own artistic expression. 

The truth is, I was getting crispy before the injury. I was working a full-time job, at a large financial institution (making trades, allocations changes, etc. for clients) while I was doing everything else. And, I'm a wife, mother, grandma, sister, friend, and daughter, as well as a writer (yes, a writer... one completed manuscript and one in the works). I began to slowly unravel. I was spinning so many plates, that it was only a matter of time before they all came crashing down on my head. And, it hurts when that happens... seriously... OUCH!

Why am I saying all of this? Because, I want to you to know that I'm doing this for the love of it. I truly enjoy what I do. And, although it can be challenging at times, I can't imagine not having my SG friends. 

I want you to know that I learned a lot about myself during that month that I took off. I learned that I'm resilient. I'm stronger than I thought. I do have something to offer. And, above all, I'm not a quitter. The day may come when I lay it all down. But, for now, I'm in it for the long haul. And, I hope you continue on, with me.

I will, however, be a little more discerning about how much I decide to bite off and chew at any given time. And, I ask for your patience as I learn what my limits are, and understanding if I need to pull back from time to time. But, I'm here to stay... because I want to.

Life has a way of teaching us valuable lessons, if we only head them. My lesson? To take it all in stride. To listen to my body, and rest when needed. To not be concerned with the number of "likes" on any given post. To not worry about people "unfollowing" my page. Because, I only want those who feel they belong in our tribe, and connected, to be a part of it all. To be happy for those I promote and get the pay off, without fretting about my own success, or lack there of. And, most of all, to live. Even if only vicariously through pictures of other's experiences.

Recently, I woke up one day, eight months into my back injury and subsequent journey of healing, not recognizing myself. I had become depressed. I had gained nearly 15 pounds due to not being able to exercise as I would normally, and I felt that everything I tried, failed... miserably. I was tired, hurting, and drained. I felt defeated. I felt old and irrelevant. That's when I had to take a break. Because, I knew in my heart, those were all lies.

One thing that I have always encouraged others in was to be their authentic self. "Do you. Be real." And, I discovered that I had been on autopilot for some time. When I looked into the bathroom mirror that morning, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A stranger was staring back at me. It scared me. And, I broke. I had listened to the lies I was telling myself.

It reminded me of when I had been diagnosed with uterine cancer, almost nine years ago. I went through a lot of the same mental anguish. I was fried, overworked, emotional, and scared. But, I shook myself off, and carried on. I became better for the challenge. I slayed the beast. I had determined that I would not be a victim of my circumstances. And, I succeeded.

Some of you may be thinking, "It's not that deep. It's just a Facebook page, blog, social media, etc. It's not a big deal... get a grip!" But, it is a big deal when you've invested so much time and energy into something you love. Anyone who does what I do would understand. It's a reflection of you. It's an expression of who you are. It becomes your identity, in a way.

So, in the midst of the chaos, I quieted my heart and mind. And, I came to the conclusion that if this brings me joy, continue on. And, should the time come that it doesn't, lay it down. No pressure. No judgement. 

When I came to that conclusion, I subsequently lost my job. Yup, par for the course. But, it's ok. It was just another opportunity to figure myself out. Was I going to be a slave to a job I detested? Or, would I live a life I loved? It's challenging, as I need to work. I need to work, a lot. But, I've determined that I will only do what feeds my soul. It will all fall into place, somehow... some way.

I realize that I've been rambling. But, it was important for me to let you in on my life. If I'm preaching authenticity, I need to be authentic. 

A lot can be lost in translation. When we're always seeing beautiful pictures from individuals we follow, we forget that those posting the pics are in fact, people. People with shortcomings, challenges, struggles, and emotions. We forget that they have needs, insecurities, and their own dreams and aspirations. Maybe, because, in some way, we utilize their posts to escape our own challenges. And, that's ok. But, we need to be mindful that we are all human. That brings me to this... I'm constantly reminded of my humanness. I'm gonna blow it, big time. But, I'm also gonna do some things right. 

This means that I will probably share a little more of myself than I should, on occasion. I may miss a day, here or there. I won't be able to get to every comment. And, I may post something that bombs, from time to time. But, thats ok. Because, I love what I'm doing. And, I love you guys. 

You have been such an inspiration to me, as well as a life-line. I feel that I have something pretty damn special with my page. Maybe others have it as well. But, I tend to think that I'm one of the few, fortunate enough to have such an amazing tribe of virtual friends, who are so incredibly kind and thoughtful. Thank you for that.

So, I'll be around for a bit longer. I'll try somethings that will stick, and others that will fail. But, all in all, it will be a great ride, with good friends.

XOXO,

SG